jamie black comedy

The comedy musings of actor/comedian Jamie Black

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Location: Chicago, IL

I am an actor/comedian, husband, father and lover. I'm learning to be a risk taker. I am an imperfect person embracing the adventure of successes and failures.

Monday, July 31, 2006

What more could you want?

I am about to leave LA and head back to Chicago. The fateful day is only 2 days away. I'm feeling rather melancholy. It's been quite an adventure here. I lost a good friend, but I've made so many more. I will miss all of them. I'm looking forward to getting back together with my family though. I've already mentioned the fact that LA is full of crazy people. No need to go further into that; just drive around LA for awhile and you'll see I tell the truth. As you're driving you will also notice that LA is full of donuts and porn. Donuts and porn. Why so much donuts and porn? Porn I can understand. In a city that thrives on rejecting even some of the most talented of actors, the natural thing to do is to make a porno. That'll show you, Steven Spielberg! I'm not saying that all rejected actors turn to porn. You can see a lot of them performing on Hollywood Blvd. Others just brought you your latte or the daily special. However, for a good deal of those low self-esteemers, all they needed was one more "Thank you. We'll be in touch" for them to run to the nearest suspect casting couch, lie down, spread their legs (or drop trau as the case may be) and enter the world of (fake) orgasms. Oh, c'mon! You didn't really think all of those orgasms are real, did you? Everything is fake in Hollywood!

Which brings us to the donuts. Why so many donut shops in LA? This is a city of plastic. I swear with the latest heat wave, I've seen more droopy chests than at an old folks home! Several women were walking around with those personal air conditioners to keep their faces from melting. It's hot! Everyone is so image conscience that I can't believe that the donut industry has obviously been able to thrive here. I would think that the donut shops would be replaced with juice bars and drive through plastic surgery facilities. Oh, believe me, if they could do drive through plastic surgery here, they would! All I know is that when I come back to LA next year and I get rejected by, oh I won't mention any names, let's just say every director in Hollywood, I may not star in the next Butt Pirates of the Caribbean, but I'll be able to gorge myself into a sugar coma on glazed donuts...

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