jamie black comedy

The comedy musings of actor/comedian Jamie Black

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Location: Chicago, IL

I am an actor/comedian, husband, father and lover. I'm learning to be a risk taker. I am an imperfect person embracing the adventure of successes and failures.

Thursday, August 10, 2006

I'll never fly again!

I woke up this morning to some disturbing news. Not only is Tori Spelling getting shut out of the Emmy's by her mother, but there was a terrorist plot thwarted by the British. It was however comforting to know that at least the British are still on our side whereas a lot of other countries might have just said, "You're going to the US...eh, all aboard." At least another bloodbath was stopped. But what does this mean for flying? It means that they've expanded the list of things that we aren't going to be allowed to take onboard. Since the terrorists were using some kind of liquid explosive, now we can't take any type of gels or liquids on airplanes. What?! No hair gel?!! No one from Hollywood will ever fly again.

I remember back in 1999, an airport security guy closely examined my dental rinse. Now this was before 9/11, but apparently this guy had foresight and thought that I might be planning to blow up the Sears Tower. I'm sure I looked suspicious with my leis and coconuts.

Wouldn't that make sense? If you're going to be a terrorist, don't look like one. Every time I see one of these guys, I think to myself, "Yeah, I'd strip search this guy." Most of them have that terrorist scowl and are wearing not tourist-y clothes, but terrorist-y clothes. Not that I want to give the terrorists any ideas, but I bet they might get further in their plots if they looked like Eugene Simkins from Portland, OR instead of Muhammad Al-Qilya.

I'm really scared because soon the only way we'll be able to fly is naked. We'll have to send our luggage ahead of time on cargo planes, show up to the airport in a robe and then strip down to our birthday suits and board the plane. Tickets to anyplace will be dirt cheap because no one wants to sit next to a fat, naked executive from NY to LA. Hot chicks will be able to fly for free because that's the only way some men will get on a plane naked. They'll have all female flights where during the flight they'll watch Oprah and Dr. Phil and talk about cellulite. It may not be so bad except that I think it would take more than August's Playmate to get me to ride next to a naked Rush Limbaugh.

Maybe I'll just ride my bike...

*Note: Jay Leno did a joke about naked people being in line to board flight. Let it be known that I made this post BEFORE the Tonght Show came on.

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